Place lentils, bay leaf, and 2 cups water in saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer, covered, 15 to 20 minutes, or until lentils are very soft. Cool, then remove bay leaf.

Heat olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Add onion, and cook 5 to 7 minutes or until soft and translucent, stirring once or twice. Reduce heat to low, and cook onion 15 to 20 minutes more, or until browned and caramelized, stirring occasionally. If onion starts to stick, add 1 to 2 tablespoons water, and stir to remove any bits of onion from bottom of pan. Add garlic, thyme, and sage, and cook 1 minute more. Cool.

Place lentils and onion mixture in food processor with pecans, mirin, miso, umeboshi paste, salt, and pepper. Puree until smooth. Chill 2 hours, or store up to 3 days in fridge. To serve: Scoop pate onto plate and surround with crackers and fruit.